Reunion is often a consuming experience for triad members. Often we have been separated from our child or birth mother for 20+ years or more, so, it is entirely understandable that reunion is a profound experience for us. Our friends and families may comment that we seem totally absorbed with this new person in our life.
We may talk about our new found birth family member non-stop. If the person that we are reunited with doesn’t call or email often enough, we may seem to overreact. Every word that other person utters may be analyzed for hidden meanings. In short, we may seem obsessed with this new person in our lives. I think that there are several points to remember in this regard.
First, it is perfectly normal to seem overly absorbed with our new found child or birth mother. We are related to this person, and to finally have the chance to know them is a very exciting and joyful event. It is also very confusing, and there is a great deal to work out for this relationship to run smoothly. There may be many discussions and negotiations before everyone is on the same wave length, if ever. For many people it is possible to compromise and build a lasting relationship. However, it is a challenging, but rewarding task.
Second, few people really understand how important this new relationship may be to us. It is our job to try to educate them and help them support us. Reunion relationships are unique, and therefore, what is the “norm” for this type of relationship may not seem “normal” to those who do not understand the dynamics of reunion. Therefore, we probably will need to try to help them understand, and reassure them that our seemingly obsessive behavior or hypersensitivity is normal – for adoption reunions.
Third, even though we may want to devote all our time and energy to this new relationship, we need to remember to include the rest of the people in our lives. We may need to rein ourselves in a bit for the sake of our other relationships. Plus, if we are too needy and solely focused on this newly found family member, we may scare them to death with our clingy behavior!
